Trans Talk

What’s up everyone! Thank you for coming to visit! It’s so nice to see you.

Before we get to Trans Talk

A few things are new with me. First, I took some more baby steps in Turtles in Time and now have the #7 time. HELLS YEAH:

In the world of game dev, the main thing I’m working on right now is trying to establish a greater sense of community. Game Dev and speedrunning, as they always have, influence each other back and forth and back and forth indefinitely.

A mere 6 months ago I had not streamed in over 3 years, and I had never even speedrun Turtles in Time. When I look back at these 6 months, what do I think created the most positive change for me? I would say becoming more social. I’m on Discord every day, I socialize with other Twitch streamers, and I actually have built up acquaintances, legitimate friends, frienemies, and all sorts of other rich personal connections.

It reminds me of being in college. Well, kind of. I hated being in college, but maybe it reminds me of what I wish college had been. I’m hanging out with all these Twitch people online, and we have one common bond of being interested in video games. That’s kind of like the bond of being in the same university.

But then, you’re all working on different projects. E.g., I don’t only socialize with people who play Turtles in Time, that’s actually a vast minority of the people I socialize with. That aspect is kind of similar to how everyone in college hung out together but all had different majors and different career aspirations or what have you.

When I am a person in a larger group that I enjoy, I am more motivated to work on my own craft. My craft is tied to my social identity, and I’m actively using this social identity to represent myself. Right now, I’m motivated to speedrun Turtles in Time. It’s a way for me to connect with my new friends and a way for me to be a contributor to this content creation maze we’re all in.

I have a hunch that the most effective thing I could do with my game development hours right now is to try and establish a game dev community that I can draw inspiration and motivation from in the same way that I derive those things from my new speedrunning social groups.

It reminds me of one of my favorite authors, the Buddhist monk and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh. In many of his books he talks about the critical importance of a Sangha - or Buddhist practice group. He talks about how without a community, no individual can make it. Cut off from support, you wither and die. The first thing that Hanh did during his life whenever he was displaced (which, due to the Vietnam war and his subsequent peace work, he often was) was to form a new Sangha. I’ve been feeling the wisdom of this in my work.

So in game dev world, I’ve been working on finding community. I joined a solo developer Discord and even messaged an indie developer some of my pixel art work to see if they were interested in having me contribute to their project (they are not, lol - but hey I did a thing).

In short, it’s a time of change in the world of game dev for me. I’m feeling a little lost and aimless at the moment, but I also feel like I’m doing smart things. Time will tell!

Trans Talk

So let me cut to the chase: I’m a trans woman.

Publicly, (e.g., on Twitch), I am still referring to myself as non-binary. Publicly I also go by all pronouns. But, if you’re in the middle of this blog post, I’ll let you in on a secret - trans woman is more accurate to me than nonbinary. Nonbinary does feel a lot safer though, which is why I continue using it.

A related change, I am going by Robbie rather than Rob in newer social circles. It’s got a little more hey girl hey to it, so to speak.

I don’t have a ton else to say about it for now. After a lifetime of wearing women’s clothing, painting my nails, having disproportionately queer and female friend groups, a love for drag, and all the other not-so-cis things I do, I am entering a new era of embracing my trans identity.

Us last month (2024)

Us in 2012

Also if you’re going to switch genders 10+ years into a relationship, I hope you’ve got a great partner, like Erika! Pictured above <3.

Thanks for reading! Have a great day :*